This picture of me was taken in the heart of Naples, FL on my way to lunch with family only 30 minutes before a severe migraine with an aura completely overtook my being. If you suffer from migraines, then you probably know the fear that I am all too familiar with when you first start to lose your vision and/or feeling in your face, neck, or arms. You know that once that happens, the pounding headache, nausea, and vertigo will inevitably follow, and there is literally nothing you can do about it when you’re out and about trying to live your daily life.
That day, I slept for 18 hours straight.
What people don’t often realize about migraines is the affect they have on the body and mind afterwards. It took me almost two weeks to fully recover. I was dizzy, unable to focus at work, and so so so SO SO SO extremely fatigued. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. It was almost impossible to get out of bed, and if I could manage to get out of bed, it drained me of all my energy for the day. I lost 3 days of work, so my mind was racing trying to catch up, which led to a racing heart, and a bout of depression that exhausted me to my core. All while fearing that another migraine would come to attack all over again.
This is not something a lot of people know about me. I try to give off a care-free attitude, and it is no secret that I dearly love to laugh and have fun (Lizzy Bennett vibes, anyone?). I don’t often have migraines, but when it rains, it pours.
My migraines really set my depression in motion and cause a series of negative thoughts about my life, my own self worth. During this post wave, I always scold myself for not drinking enough water or letting my stress get the best of me. I could have done so much more to prevent it. I did have a choice, and I made a mistake by ignoring my health. My depression creates lies in my head about my worst fears, and it has won many times. I become a ghost of the girl I usually am, and it takes every ounce of strength to pull myself out of the hole just so that I can keep smiling and keep laughing.
There are so many variables in the triggering of migraines, and it seems like it is almost impossible to pinpoint why they occur. I’ve spoken to many people who get migraines, and it usually comes down to us agreeing, “Yep, it’s the worst. Rest is the only thing that really makes it better.” I know that this sort of suffering is just a part of life. It is what makes me a part of the human race. Most days, however, just knowing this doesn’t help at all – not even a little bit. I find myself bargaining with God to make the pain go away, begging for it to stop. It is so lonely and feels like a burden that only I must bear.
Now, about six weeks later, I finally feel like myself again. It has been a difficult journey, but I am grateful that I have been able to recover. My emotions got the best of me when I was feeling overwhelmed. I let my depression consume me. But this is exactly what I want to shed light on. In the moment and the few days after, it is obvious to notice when someone is experiencing the symptoms of a migraine. However, more importantly, the invisible symptoms are arguably the most dangerous and the most painful. The struggle does not stop when the physical pain stops. It is only the beginning.
If you can relate to my story, please know that you are not alone in your struggle.
Be gentle. With yourself. With your loved ones who experience migraines. In the end, it is worth it to focus on the positive – the days that you don’t experience any symptoms and are free to live your life without bounds.
Not Really A Writer 