Dear Annie: Don’t fear failure

October 7, 2020

Welcome to my first article in the Dear Annie series! Today we will be throwing it all the way back to ten years ago to my third journal entry ever! In the following journal entry, I describe a very particular struggle as a seventh grader and express my emotion regarding the incident. Also a helpful piece of information before you read the journal entry is that “A.D.” stands for “Academic Deficiency.” This required students who failed to complete a homework assignment to stay after school to complete the assignment while being proctored by a teacher. For privacy purposes, I have edited the name of my teacher, however, I have maintained all other original spelling and grammar. I hope you enjoy reading my eleven-year-old thoughts!

November 1st, 2010. Childhood bedroom.

On tues, October 26, 2020, I got AD from Mr. [Brown]. I still like him because it was my fault that I got it. As I was walking toward Mr [Brown]’s office, I caught a glimpse of “u-know-who” and he looked at me straight in the eye. I remember those eyes like it was 2 minutes ago. at this point of the day, I was as stressed out and tired and disappointed that I got my first AD. I realized there was a mistake so Mr [Brown] let me out early. I thought I could make my bus so I rushed as fast as I could towards the bus. I was on the verge of tears as I emerged from the gate just to find my bus had pulled out and was on its way home. As my hear sunk as deep as it could go, I called my mom and tried to force down my tears. I waited on the steps for 15 min. until my mom came swallowing the knot in my throat every 3 seconds. Each time I saw a car emerge into sight that wasn’t mine, my heart droped even lower. Finally, as I saw my blue mini van, I ran up to it, threw everything in front of me, and sat there crying. My mom didn’t understand why I was crying. I told her it was because I was upset I got ad. I was, but all that time from 3-3:20, I was thinking about u-know-who, my stress, and my good day b4 everything bad happened. That night, I slept like a baby as the thoughts slowly faded out of my mind.

Dear Annie,

Congratulations! You have just experienced academic failure! Now, I know that my sarcasm isn’t much comfort to you right, so I will offer some words of comfort before addressing the pros of failure. It really does suck that you had to miss your bus for a silly little music assignment. I remember that those fifteen minutes on the front steps felt like fifteen hours. All you wanted was to be noticed by a silly boy, and all you got was an after school inconvenience. It’s the absolute worst feeling to let yourself down, but believe me that each time in the future when you let yourself down — trust me, it will happen way more than I care to admit — it will become easier. Failing in school is normal. It’s not just for the “bad” kids. It is a part of growing up. I wish there was some way to sugarcoat this, but failure is just a part of life in general.

Just know that you are not alone. I know it feels so lonely, and I know it is overwhelming and stressful. I can bet that most of your classmates have gotten AD at least once during their time in middle school. (I’m not talking about the perfectly smart kids who have a 98 average and would rather be shamed into isolation than get a 96 on their math test — just a note from future Annie ten years down the line, they haven’t done much with their lives, if that is any comfort to you.) Growing up, I was told conflicting advice. I should always make an effort to stand out from the crowd, don’t follow the herd, stand up for your beliefs, stand up for yourself, don’t be just a face in the crowd. At the same time, I was told to make friends, don’t draw too much attention to yourself, don’t pick fights, don’t be weird. As a leader, I normally would encourage you to follow the former advice, but after a while, standing out can get so lonely. In this moment in your life, it’s okay to sink into the wave of the crowd. Let the presence of your fellow classmates and friends comfort you. Being average is not and will never be a bad thing in itself.

Now, let’s talk failure. Each failure and mistake will eventually lead you to where you were meant to be. It may not seem like it right now, but there are so many good things ahead, and the only thing that will enable you to take advantage of every opportunity that will be thrown your way is to embrace failure. Embrace your mistakes. Own that sh*t. Because one day, you will go out into the world, and you will have face reality and have to own yourself. I believe women just like you deserve a place in the world. I believe that you have inherent dignity. I believe that you should be respected just for being you. However, it’s not a perfect world. Not everyone is going to respect you. You’re going to have to demand respect sometimes, which sucks but that’s just the way it is. My question to you is: Who are you going to demand that respect from? Is it worth sacrificing yourself, sacrificing your health, your mental well-being, for the same people who can’t even accept you for the entirety of your person? Because before you can even think about giving your time to somebody, you have to know yourself, what you’re worth. You have to know your own dignity. And way down the line, if the environment in which you find yourself doesn’t give that to you, then you will really have to ask yourself, “Is it worth it?” Because every single person has so much to give, and everyone can find a place in this world if he or she seeks it out. But what does that place mean if we have to give up a part of ourselves? Like it or not, our failures are part of what define us as human beings. Notice how I said that they are a part of ourselves — Our failures do not define us, however they do define how we should move forward in our lives. Our failures are lights that guide us on the path toward a full sense of self. Embrace that. Do not give up that part of yourself. Do not fear failure.

And one last thing — that boy? He’s not worth it. Boys will never be worth it. Enjoy the time you have with your friends while you can. Be average. Make memories. Laugh until you can’t breathe. Be a a good friend. There will be a day when you will need to be there to support them when they fail, and in turn, you can rely on them when the same happens to you. That is the beauty of friendship. Because when the day comes that you succeed, you will have them to share in that joy with you. So forget the guy. Cherish your friends. You never know when that will be taken away from you in the blink of an eye.

All my love,

Annie

October 7th, 2020