I have good news! I’m so excited to announce that I have accepted a full time position in the nation’s capital! I never really had long term plans or dreams as a kid, but I knew that if I worked hard, then I’d end up where I’m meant to be. I’m so proud of myself that I kept pushing through the storm even when I couldn’t see the road ahead of me. It’s hard to believe that I will be kissing Long Island goodbye for the long haul AT LAST. These last few months have been so damn hard, and I know that we have all had to sacrifice far more than we were planning to this year, but some days, that is simply harder for me to accept than others. I let my despair get the best of me, and I found myself consumed by an unfamiliar darkness that was a direct result of being trapped inside for the lockdown. When the skies finally cleared, however, I realized that the road led to a destination beyond anything I could have dreamed. I’m finally heading back home!
Even through all the stress of (virtual) piles of paperwork, the excitement of signing a lease for my first apartment ever, and the anticipation of beginning my life as a fully functioning adult, I have still taken the time to reflect on this transitional period of my life. Each change in my life brings about similar emotions. Although I used to hate change when I was younger, each time around I start to like it more and more. Yes, change is scary. It will never not be scary. But change is also exciting! And you better believe that I, Annie Vogel, am pumped!
Throughout my life, I have noticed a consistent theme that not-so-coincidentally relates to the fact that my last name, Vogel, means “bird” in German. The first prominent root grew when I became a US citizen when I was adopted at the age of one. When I became an American, the values of the national bird — the bald eagle — were bestowed upon me. I was granted strength, wisdom, courage, and freedom, the foundation of American values that I will stand by and pledge allegiance to until the day I die.
Fast forward ten years when I started at Kellenberg Memorial as a sixth grader. The school’s mascot is a Firebird. The Firebird is a direct reference to a phoenix, a bird that is known for its ability to burn and then rise out of the ashes in a more beautiful form. Throughout my seven years there (from sixth through twelfth grade), I learned so much, and symbolically, I rose out of high school a transformed person in the same way that the phoenix is renewed. I formed a firm foundation in the value of education as well as the importance of faith that has shaped the way in which I think, pray, create, learn, and express myself to this day.
When it came time to choose a college, I was drawn to The Catholic University of America because of this marriage of faith and reason. The university’s mascot is a Cardinal. In many cultures across the globe, cardinals are widely admired and believed to be a spiritual sign of good luck, love, and hope. Whether or not this is true, their unique bright red color is an accent of nature that has fascinated me since I was a little girl. The boldness which the cardinal represents inspired me daily throughout college. As soon as I moved into my freshman dorm, I immediately felt that Cardinal strength, and I still feel that energy behind everything I do as I continue to transition into the professional world. It is truly an honor to be a Cardinal now as an alumna of the university.
The past decade or so has been a wild ride. So many lessons learned, so many fun memories made, so many incredible adventures taken. If there is one thing that I have learned in my life, it’s that even broken wings can fly. Through all the ups and downs, I have learned the importance of resilience and grit. Life is tough, but I know I am tougher. This decade has shaped me into the very woman I am today, and I wouldn’t change a single second of it.
I never liked the phrase, “Bloom where you are planted.” To a certain extent, I can understand how the phrase can be useful in getting through life. It can be encouraging when someone urges you to make the best of your situation. You feel empowered to win the game with the hand you are dealt. However, I hesitate to fully encourage myself and other to “bloom where you are planted” because that implies that one must settle in order to live a full life. It implies that the comfort zone is the place to be. It implies that we are dependent on outside factors to make us happy.
The reason I think that this is a horrible mindset is because I’ve tried it. And it failed miserably. It filled me with false hope, misled optimism, and an overall attitude of martyrdom (always blaming outside factors for my dissatisfaction). When that didn’t work, I finally hit a breaking point and realized that this is no way to live. I couldn’t stand the idea of being stagnant for my entire life. I couldn’t stand living on the sideline of my own life.
Instead, I dared myself to have courage, but never to forget my roots. I dared myself to recognize my dissatisfaction, but never to be ungrateful. I dared myself to be uncomfortable, but never in over my head. I dared myself to be better, but never too good for anything. I dared myself to be great because unlike flowers, I am not tied to the ground. Unlike flowers, when the winds of change blow, I won’t insist on gripping tightly to my roots just waiting for the rain. I refused to settle for my own comfort zone in addition to other people’s plan for my life.
Instead, I have relied on my “Vogel” identity and recalled the way in which my path thus far has shaped me. I have chosen to go with the wind. I have chosen to take a leap of faith, spread my wings, and fly.
Instead, I dared myself to have courage, but never to forget my roots. I dared myself to recognize my dissatisfaction, but never to be ungrateful. I dared myself to be uncomfortable, but never in over my head. I dared myself to be better, but never too good for anything.
Even broken wings can fly
Not Really A Writer 